Man Accused of 'Ruining' the Holidays for Siblings After Placing Their Mother in a Long-Term Care Facility

Mar. 15, 2025

A stock image of siblings fighting.Photo:Getty

Getty

As detailed onRedditin a thread asking if he’s “ruining” the holidays, a man explains that he dropped out of his graduate program to care for his mother after she suffered a stroke and their father died. Since 2021, he’s been his mother’s primary caretaker, even organizing travel arrangements from New York to Virginia to ensure his mother could see his siblings for past holidays.

“Since January things with our mom became more stressful, increased memory issues, lack of sleep, and I was generally burnt out,” the man explains. “During this time my siblings did not offer any assistance.”

As a result of her increased need for care, the man decided to look for a long-term care facility for his mother. Throughout the process, he claims he asked his siblings for input about where she should be placed.

“I even asked if they wanted mom closer … one of them would have to look for a place near them since I could not tour a place in VA while still actively caring for our mom in NY. Also said if they don’t want to look then one of them would have to watch our mom while I looked,” he writes in a comment.

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“I told them no I was not but if they wanted to take her they were 100% free to take her. I told them she is not in a prison and I did put them on the list for approved people to take her out,” he explains.

“They told me they could not do that it would be far too complicated,” he continues. “I told them that is unfortunate but I am going on vacation so I would not be available. Now all of a sudden I have everyone and their mother reaching out to me telling me how selfish and heartless I am being towards our mother.”

The man points out that it isn’t just the travel he handles during these holiday gatherings; he is often the person tasked with taking care of their mom while on the road, too.

“I handled the sleepless nights, the wandering, the outbursts, the doctors appointments. I handled getting her Medicaid, I handled everything and put my life on hold to do so,” he writes of her recent care and needs. “They got to see the pleasant side of our mom and if she had an outburst I was the one that had to deal with it."

When he said as much to his siblings, his brother “said I should have asked for help. He claimed he figured I had it all handled and did not need help,” he writes.

After the poster offered to pay for the travel and accommodations needed for his brother to oversee their mother’s holiday travels, the brother declined the arrangement and offered “excuses," the man adds.

Stock photo of nursing home.Ridofranz / Getty Images

Ridofranz / Getty Images

“As someone who works in LTC, you did the right thing,” one commenter writes. “We see so much caregiver burn out… Your siblings suck. They’re the worst kinds of people, in my opinion. The type of people who refuse to acknowledge the stress their family member is experiencing. And who demonize placing a loved one in LTC.”

“Good for you for making the tough but good decision of what was best for you and your mom. Your right," another adds. “She’s their mom too if they wanted to help they would have done so without you having to ask.”

source: people.com